By Vanessa Welch-Pemberton, Psy.D., behavioral health, The Portland Clinic

Like a growing number of people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), I struggled with symptoms all my life, but wasn’t diagnosed until I was well into adulthood.

As a child, I displayed more of the inattentive symptoms of ADHD, and fewer of the overt hyperactive symptoms typically seen as red flags for ADHD. As a result, I was not recognized as having challenges. I was told, instead, that I just needed to work harder. This led to a distressing level of perfectionism as I labored for years to achieve what was expected of me. I constantly sought new ways to learn, to retain information and to perform, but my strenuous efforts to mask and cope with my symptoms inevitably led to anxiety and depression.

For many people with undiagnosed ADHD, an event finally occurs that demands so much of them that their ability to compensate collapses. For me, this event was motherhood. I underwent a very thorough diagnostic evaluation and, finally, was diagnosed with ADHD. It was like a warm breeze swept over me and my whole life suddenly made sense. Understanding my brain better, I was able to give myself compassion and to begin, at last, to learn how to problem-solve more effectively.

What it’s like to have ADHD

While the experience of ADHD is different for everyone, here are some of the challenges that my symptoms have caused for me:

• While I’ve never been hyperactive, I have always been restless and fidgety. Sitting for long periods causes a strong internal discomfort.
• I can be impulsive financially and have a hard time budgeting and saving money, even though I know that good financial management is important.
• I get overstimulated by sights, sounds, smells and touch. Disneyland is a nightmare for me!
• When overstimulated or feeling pressured by multiple demands, I become irritable and snappy.
• In addition to sensory distractions, I am easily distracted by my own thoughts. As I write this, for example, I am also thinking about what to make for dinner, how I should prepare it, how long that will take, when I’ll find time to finish some paperwork, what plans I should be making for the weekend, and on and on.
• On the flip side of distraction, I become hyper-focused on tasks that I’m interested in, becoming fully absorbed in them at the expense of anything else I’d planned. If I’m interrupted while engaged this deeply, I get mad and frustrated and find it difficult to come back to the task — because by then, I’m engaged in something new.

That’s just a snapshot of what I manage, and what my understanding family chooses to be a part of.

What works for me

To manage these symptoms and challenges, a combination of medication and behavioral, emotional and cognitive adjustments have been most useful for me.

A lifetime of therapy has helped me learn skills to address anxiety and depression. This has made a huge difference, because it has simplified my ADHD management.

While the effects of medication have not been huge, I have noticed that I am multitasking less; feeling less irritable and less exhausted after a long day; and getting better at starting tasks that I’m not excited about, managing my time and finances, and regulating my emotions. What surprised me after starting medication was that my stomach hurt less and I had fewer headaches — I have since learned that physical symptoms can be a part of ADHD, too. While medication doesn’t solve everything, it has lightened the burden.

I can’t stress enough how important behavioral techniques have been for me — and by that, I mean simple strategies like using a day planner and setting important things where I’ll see them. Writing things down in an organized planner keeps me from forgetting important tasks. I keep my planner open to the current week and propped up on a cookbook stand on my desk so that it’s right in front of my face every morning.

Simply learning to understand ADHD has helped me greatly. It has allowed me to normalize the challenges for myself, and to explain them to friends and family members to help them understand, too. With better understanding, they’re able to be supportive in ways that are the most helpful to me. I’ve found that my relationships are smoother as I take accountability for managing my own symptoms.

Learning to manage ADHD symptoms is a lifelong process. I struggle and I thrive. This may look different than it does for someone without a neurodevelopmental disorder or mental illness, but it’s the same beautiful process of growth.

Read more about ADHD in adults and new techniques to manage symptoms.